Matchmaker
by AzmariaHarmony
Summary: In which the crew sets on a hunt for Piggy's soul mate. And things go awry. AU Eventual PiggyxOC Rated T for Jack, Ralph, Roger and Simon's teenager/hormone crazy attitudes and the equally pyscho girls they find.
1. Prologue

_I wasn't sure about posting this because it is a multi-chapter fic._

_Also I was busy. With being a sophomore. And watching Merlin. And freaking out over the fact that Misha Collins declared at a Supernatural Con that Destiel is …._

_BUT THIS MUST BE POSTED. BECAUSE IT IS ABOUT TIME PIGGY GOT THE GIRL._

_Enjoy!_

Another anguished sigh slid between the fat boy's lips. Jack Merridew clenched his pencil, trying desperately to focus on the Calculus question on the worksheet. Already math was not Jack's strong point but with distractions, there was no way he could concentrate!

"Piggy," Jack hissed between clenched teeth. "One more noise out of you and I will personally cut you into strips and sell you to the school cafeteria as bacon!"

A soft chuckle came next to the pudgy boy. Jack glared at a grinning Ralph, daring him to open that smug hole and ridicule him. Ralph didn't pay attention in math class, as it was one of his few strong points, along with debate.

"Aw, come on Jack. Neither of us can help it that our friend here is feeling a bit lonely," Ralph whispered, that grin still ever present on his face.

"Lonely?!" Jack blurted out a bit too loudly. This earned them a harsh shush from the bat-like Calculus teacher.

"The bloody hell are you talking about Greenwood?!" Jack hissed. Piggy frowned, not liking that they were talking about him even though he was right there.

"I have to watch all of you go on dates and blabber on and on about your romantic endeavors," Piggy huffed, speaking up for himself. "When is it my turn?"

"Chat up some girl like the rest us normal people!" Jack said, rolling his eyes at Piggy's obvious stupidity.

"You're far from normal Merridew," Piggy grumbled, scribbling down an answer. Jack gave him his best glare and the other paled a bit.

"I know!" Ralph suddenly (but quietly) exclaimed, "We can help Piggy find a girl!"

"_We_?! What is this we you speak of Greenwood?" Jack questioned, raising an eyebrow. There was absolutely no way he wanted to assist with Piggy's… God, he couldn't believe he was saying this, thoughts or not… Romantic Life…

"You, me, maybe Rog and Si," Ralph answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Honestly, Jack sometimes wondered if the rumor that all blondes were dumb was true.

"What makes you think I would want to do it?" Jack asked, practically choking on his own saliva.

"Hmmm…. I don't know…" a devious smirk that truly scared Jack Merridew appeared on the blonde's lips. "How about all the Calculus questions for a month?"

The redhead raised an eyebrow. He knew the persuasion skills Ralph had honed in on for all of his eighteen years was coming into play, but it was a very tempting offer.

"Make it two, and you have yourself a deal."

"Fine."

"Now wait a second-!" Piggy's protests on having one of his worst enemies helping him find a girlfriend was cut off by the shaking of Ralph and Jack's hand.  
The deal was set.  
Let the game for the perfect match begin.

Piggy dreaded the next week….


	2. Chapter 1- Kimi

_Writing this chapter instead of taking a quiz retake! Yay laziness!_

_But yeah… I finally was able to force time in to write this. I hope that it turns out fabulous._

Piggy glanced nervously at the two stern expressions the boys on the other side of Ralph were carrying. He frankly, would not care at all if a hole opened up underneath their chairs and swallowed them up, lost from the time and space continuum forever. To say he did not like Jack Merridew and Roger Nelson would be a complete understatement as he rather enjoyed picturing them with their faces smashed in.

"Where did you get her again?" Jack asked, turning to the overly perky blonde next to him. Ralph just rolled his eyes.

"Where you get every great girl: Craigslist!" he chirped.

"Fantastic," Roger muttered, taking a sip out of the coffee Jack had bought him. It was the only way to get him to come and there was no way Jack wanted to be alone with Ralph.

"I think she'll be wonderful," Simon, who was on the other side of Roger, piped up, always the optimist. Roger just snorted; nursing the warm cup in his hands like it was his own child.

The door suddenly opened, and the conversation screeched to a halt. The girl bounced in cheerily and Roger almost dropped his coffee. The girl before them was a splatter of neon, glitter, and over all cuteness. Roger's nose wrinkled at the mere sight of her, rethinking his decision.

"No amount of coffee's going to make me stay," he muttered, moving to stand up, but found himself yanked right back down into his seat.

"If I'm coming down, "Jack's menacing voice hissed in his ear, his grip on the brunette's arm unbreakable. "You're coming down with me." He let go, giving Roger a warning glare.

"Konichiwaaa!" the girl chirped, her high ponytails swinging happily. "My name's Kimi-chan!"

Simon smiled politely at her, Piggy looked like he wanted to jump out of the window, Ralph looked way too pleased with himself, Jack was busy glaring at Roger, who was muttering obscenities into his coffee cup. Ralph stood up, charm oozing from every pore of his body.

"Where are our manners boys?" he asked, a dashing grin on his face. Piggy only saw his looming doom. "The one at the end is Simon. The grumpy one is Roger. The angry ginger is Jack, and I'm Ralph, and this here," He took Piggy's shoulders. "Is the handsome bachelor himself, Humphrey Fredrickson the Third."

"Aaah! You guys are so kawaii!" she squealed, her ponytails bouncing even more. Jack thought that there must be vibrators or something hidden in her hair…

"We're what?" Simon asked, tilting his head a bit.

'Kawaii! Cute!" she exclaimed. The three boys in the center (yes, even Ralph) looked a little miffed at being called cute. They were not cute. They were beautifulgorgeoussexyohmalau dlookatthatass. Not cute.

"How are we… ah... cute?" Ralph asked, effectively hiding his irritation.

"It's just.. you guys are like a shojo manga!" More confusion. Kimi sighed and suddenly pointed to Simon, who squeaked in surprise. "You. You're the clueless uke that everyone pines after, but you don't know it." Then she pointed at Roger. "You are the dark one that pretends not to have any feelings but actually have a big crush on your biggest enemy." Then Jack. "You are the feisty redhead that is the opposite to Ralph-san. You are the yin to his yang. The night to his day. You act like enemies but have a secret sexual relationship that no one knows about, but Jack-san actually likes Simon-kun, who likes Ralph-san, who lusts after Roger-san, who likes Jack!" She took a deep breath when she was done.

Roger spat his coffee everywhere. "We're not gay!" he exclaimed, not sure whether to throw a fit or start laughing hysterically at it. "I mean, Robin's about as gay as it comes, and Maurice humps everything that moves, but Ralph has a girlfriend!"

"We broke up…" Ralph sighed. No one offered sympathy because it was his fourth girlfriend he had burned through in a month.

Kimi looked disappointed at the rebuff of her rose-colored view of them. "B-but…" She looked like she was about to cry, and guilt struck all of their faces (except Roger, who was a heartless bastard).

"Look, hun," Ralph said, going up and putting his hands on the girl. "If I went that way, I would definitely take Jack all the way. And if we didn't hate each other."

"Ex_cuse_ me?!" Jack huffed. "Whose taking _whom_?!" Ralph promptly ignored him.

"And you never know, maybe Roger and Simon are actually gay," Ralph said, smiling a bit when her lower lip stopped trembling.

"I'm not gay!" Roger growled.

"Says the one who hasn't had a girlfriend for fourteen years!" Ralph called back, shooting Roger a smirk.

Kimi nodded, smiling brightly up at Ralph. "Arigato Ralph-senpai," she chirped and started to head out, but paused, smiling at them. "But is it okay if I draw a yaoi doujinshi about you guys?" she chirped.

"Wait-"

"Arigato!" she was gone before they could say anything.

"Well… I guess that went well," Ralph sighed, putting his hands on his hips.

"Ralph…" Piggy's voice came. Ralph turned to smile at him, only to be hit in the face with a textbook.

"I thought we were looking for girlfriends for me! Not having counselor sessions!" Piggy grumped. He hadn't even been able to talk to the girl! Not that he'd want to date her. She was way to chipper and bright. Literally.

Ralph clutched his face, rolling pitifully on the floor. Jack rolled his eyes and helped him up. "Grow a pair," he muttered to Ralph. He had been hit many times with a textbook. Ralph wiped the blood off.

"Fiiine. I'll let you do the speaking next time," he said.

"I thought she was nice!" Simon offered and they all gave him The Look.

"Hey, I heard Skyfall's out," Ralph said. "You wanna go see it?"

Piggy shrugged, wanting to take his mind off the events from before. Jack nodded after a bit of hesitation since he didn't have anything else better to do. Roger shrugged since he kind of liked the Bond movies and Jack was his ride home. Simon didn't know what Skyfall was, so agreed anyway.

Ralph grinned when they all agreed to go. "This'll be awesome!" he said, leading them out. "Meeting pretty girls is great and all, but bros before hos, right?"

"Ralph."

"Yes Jack?"

"Shut up."


	3. Chapter 2- Olga

_Yay to squeezing in time! _

_I'm very glad that people are enjoying this! Love you all!_

After what had happened before, there was an air of reluctance when the five took their seats.

"I can't believe you talked me into this again!" Roger hissed to Jack. He wanted to be there the least as he could feel the reputation that he had built up for over a decade crumble around his feet just by being in the same room as them. Jack hushed him as the door opened.

And in stepped she-hulk.

The girl had bleached blonde hair and a tan, but she towered over them. She was a good four inches taller than Roger, who was about 5'8". She was very muscular, built like a male wrestler who attached a couple of limp sand bags to his/her chest at the last minute.

"I am Olga!" she gruffed, a thick German accent making her voice even gruffer than it already was.

"That's nice…" Ralph said, a little intimidated of her. "Are you here for the Craiglist ad?"

"Ja! I come here for boyfriend!" she replied, scrutinizing every single one of them. Simon passed out the moment her beady eyes made their way over to him.

"Vhich vone of you iz it?" she growled. "I do not vant pretty boy. Pretty blonde boyz have no backbone."

"Hey!" Ralph protested. "I'm on the football team!"

"Ezactly. Kick ball avround field? Bah. I vant good meaty man!" she insisted, her gaze resting on Piggy. "You! Vhat iz your name?"

"That's Piggy! He's the bachelor!" Ralph said before Piggy could tell her his real name. But right then, he wasn't sure if his voice wouldn't squeak from fright. He was trembling so hard, he didn't trust his own voice. Even his fat was jiggling!

"Goooood….." she hummed, sizing him up. Piggy wanted the floor to just eat him right now. There was no way he wanted her as a girlfriend!

"Vhat sport do you vork?" she asked.

"You mean, what sport do I play?" he squeaked, a little confused.

"Nein! Playing iz for children!' she barked, making Piggy whine slightly and slid down his chair. Simon had the right idea, passing out when he did. She passed by him, looking at Jack.

"Gingers are the devil's spawns," Olga huffed, moving past him. Jack looked miffed, but was wise enough to hold his tongue. Olga could probably smash his face into the wall without batting an eye. She looked at Roger.

"Are you in any sports?" she asked, looking down at him. Roger frowned, not intimidated by her. Then again, there was very little Roger Nelson feared. Women, regardless of the size or shape, were not one of them. And he wondered why Jack's ex-girlfriend called him a pig-headed sexist…

"I'm in the swim team…" Roger said. It was the only sport he bothered with since he didn't get to hear or see humans and didn't have the risk of hurting someone like football or rugby did. Olga's eyes lit up, and a sense of unease came over the others. This wasn't good…

"Ah! Ja! Me too!" Olga said, patting his head. She looked at the other's with what they would say, terrifying smile.

"I have found my husband!" she declared, grabbing Roger by the arm.

"Eh?!" came Roger's confused reply.

"Dear Lord…" Piggy muttered. Window jumping seemed nice this time of year.

"You can't!" a sudden shout. Jack. There was no way in hell he was going to let his best friend be carried (yes, literally, carried) away by she-hulk!

"Vhy not, devil boy?" she snarled, her glare promising the breaking of several bones.

"Ah… Because… He has Mucopurulent Cervicitus!" Jack blurted out, a disease he heard from health class the year prior just spilling from his lips. He grimaced when Roger realized what the disease was and shot him a dirty look. Olga however, did not know what it was.

"So? Ve take him to doctor," she said. Jack's mind reeled, trying to think of a better excuse. Suddenly, as if the clouds of heaven opened up to him, an idea popped into his brain. It would probably end up with Roger murdering him in some back alley way, but it would be worth it.

"He plays for the other team!" Jack said, confidence surging back. He was like a brave martyr in the face of death, knowing that the path he chose would lead to goodness. Though, with less heroics. Olga still didn't understand.

"Ze team he vorks on doesn't matter. Ve vill be together in the end," she argued.

"He means Roger's a poof," Ralph spoke up.

"He izn't fluffy…" Olga was still confused. Roger on the other hand, had gone considerably pale and the expression on his face could've probably scared Satan away.

"He's gay," Jack deadpanned. Olga knew that one.

"Oh…" she sighed, then sauntered out without another word. There was a collective sigh of relief. Roger glared at both Jack and Ralph.

"Sleep with one eye open…" he snarled, stomping out. Before he could go, a strange high pitched cackle rang out.

"I knew it!" a voice that sounded a lot like Kimi sounded through the small room and a shiver ran up all their backs. This was going to be one looong week…

_The disease Jack listed is an STD that only women can get… You could probably google it. I wouldn't recommend that you do. Roger might come and get you. XD_

_Also, the past girls might make an appearance in the future chapters or maybe even Choir Notes. If I get around to doing them..._

_HOPE YOU LIKED! :D_


	4. Chapter 3- Diamond

_Sorry it's so late! I will try to be better!  
This is rated an upper T for reasons you will soon see…._

When the group reassembled again, it was with much more reluctance. The girls weren't coming in as frequent and it had seemed forever since The Olga Disaster That No One Spoke of Ever Again. At least, it was the general consensus not to, unless it was for therapy.

Anyway, the mood, although different, seemed to wafer off the boys half-heartedly as if their feelings just simply didn't care anymore. Even Simon had given up trying to keep everyone in hopeful spirits. Jack let out a somewhat depressed sigh as he gingerly nursed his third cup of coffee.

"So what's the disaster today?" he asked, glancing lazily up at Ralph, who flipped through papers slightly less perky than usual.

"Diamond. No last name," he informed Jack, who looked a bit confused.

"She sounds nice," Simon piped up, but his opinions were ignored, as usual. Piggy, however was skeptical.

"Diamond? Who is she? Some kind of rock star, punk pers-" Piggy started, but was interrupted when the ancient door creaked open. In walked- no, not walked, _sauntered_, was more like it- a beautiful, tall girl with long flowing blonde hair and was wearing a short, tight, sleeveless, red dress and black knee high boots. All the boys' jaws hit the floor in unison. The coffee slipped out of Jack's hand and splattered all over the floor, but no one even flinched.

"Hi, my name's Diamond~" she purred in a very sultry tone. Ralph stuttered a bit, his throat dry as his gaze moved down about six inches from her face…

"So," Piggy finally said (honestly, someone had to say something to her; they couldn't just sit there like goldfish!). "You're the one who replied to our ad?"

"Anything you want to believe, sweetie," she cooed. "Now who's the lucky man?"

"Me!" Four voices replied at once, quite eagerly. Jack had a devilish glint in his eyes that sparkled with the hope of getting laid, Ralph was bright red but a very pleased smile was spreading across his lips, Roger looked a bit awkward but sent glances up and down the girl's body, and Piggy looked down right pissed that his friends were trying to steal HIS girl! This whole thing was supposed to be for him!

The girl just giggled and slowly walked up to them. She stopped in front of Ralph, who looked incredibly pleased at the sudden undivided attention. "I can always do you all at once. No extra charge," she purred.

"Yeah… That sounds- wait," Ralph managed to pull himself together just for a second, which was more than any of the other boys could say. "What do you mean, charge?"

Diamond looked confused at Ralph's question, as if the answer should have been obvious. "You ordered from Pleasure Angels for Gentleman stripper delivery, right? The only to-house stripper company?"

Shock overcame the boys as they looked at each other in disbelief. None of them had known that such a company existed, much less call it!

"You're the Sex Guru, right? I was told that there was only one, but I can accommodate more…" The seducing smile reappeared on her heavily make-up coated face and she twirled one of the blonde strands of hair around her finger lazily. There was a collective groan of utter disappointment. They should've known; there was only one person who would know of such a thing. One person who even dare bring that thing in school grounds, even though it risked expulsion and tabloid-worthy scandal. But speak of the devil…

"Diamond!" a pleased exclamation came from the door. Maurice Simmons sauntered in, in nothing but a blood red robe that exposed his chest and was swirling a glass of champagne in his right hand. "I have been looking everywhere for you, darling~!"

Diamond turned, four boys immediately forgotten, much to their dismay. She latched herself on Maurice's arm. "My body is ready, baby," she crooned as he lead them out. Maurice smirked and sipped from the champagne.

"Good, now let us divulge in the most primal urges of human nature and the Guru shall let his wisdom seep into your soul," he replied in the same tone that Diamond had been using. They heard her giggle before the door shut. There was a collective shudder as the mental pictures burned themselves most unwelcomingly into their minds.

"I'm going to need to wash my eyeballs out with bleach…" Roger grumbled, standing up.

"Forget eyeballs, I need to wash my _brain_ out with bleach," Piggy huffed, and for the first time in the history of mankind, Roger and Piggy agreed on something. (It never happened again.)

"She could do so much better than Maurice," Jack said, making them all look at him. "What?" Jack demanded. Ralph grinned impishly, making Jack's frown deepen.

"I don't know Jack. You might be a bit of a downgrade. Especially in size," he teased, making Jack howl in rage.

"I wasn't talking about me! I'm not that desperate that I would go after a stripper!"

The boys laughed in good humor, but they wouldn't put it past Jack in a million years. Ralph suddenly noticed something and frowned slightly, looking around a bit before his gaze settled on his friend and frenemies.

"Hey. Have you guys seen Simon?"


	5. Chapter 4- Invasions from The Other Side

_Ta-da! A chapter that didn't take forever! Hold the applause, please. _

_Anywho, this fic is starting to wrap up and probably has only a couple chapters after this._

_Question for all of you: do you guys want an epilogue? I'm fine either way. :o)_

_Enjoy! (P.S. I don't own any of the girl characters in this.)_

_-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-_

"Hi there, what's your name?"

"Hermione Granger. That's H-E-R-M-I-"

"That's nice, Herman."

"_Hermione."_

"Whatever, Hermoninny."

"Ugh! You are just a bunch of numbskulls!"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Aren't you an American, uh-?"

"Isabella Swan, but you can call me Bella."

"Oookaaay…."

"Are any of you a vampire?"

"Why would we be? We're British."

"And how does that relate to anything?"

"It means we're already special enough to be fawned over by girls. Hello? Ever heard of One Direction?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"And you are?"

"Katniss Everdeen."

"…You know, you can put your bow and arrows down…"

"No."

"Okay…"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Ow! Dammit! Your lizard bit me!"

"Sorry… He doesn't trust people easily. So can you take me to the lights?"

"What lights? And how the hell are you able to grow so much hair?!"

"Umm… Daily Vitamins?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Anything you would like to share about yourself?"

"Besides the fact I'm a small town Californian girl that's secretly a popstar when I put on a blonde wig? Nope."

"….What-?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"-and then when we finally defeated Kronos, Percy just up and disappears and now I have a dance coming up at Camp Half Blood and I need a date and-"

"Wait. This doesn't make any sense."

"Oh? You're not half-bloods?"

"Half blo- No!"

"Crap."

"What are you doing what is that- urrrgghh….."

"Thank gods for amnesia dust…"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"You know, it's not very smart to put up a post on Craigslist to find a significant other. Who know what creepiness you might end up with!"

"_Shut up, Hermione!"_

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Maurice! Take that damn wig off, you look ridiculous!"

"Aw…"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Oh please. Like you could sing better than me. I'm Rachel Berry."

"For your information, I used to be able to sing a C Sharp! And I'm Head of the choir!"

"You know what this means?"

"Singing duel."

"Five pm. Your auditorium. Don't be late. I am looking forward to crushing all your hopes and dreams."

"Please. You'll be crying all the way back to America."

"You're on."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Have you seen the Doctor?!"

"This is a Matchmaking event-thing… No doctors."

"Allons-y, Rose Tyler!"

"…"

"…"

"Did that police box just disappear? How did it get there?"

"Seriously? That thing was there throughout the entire chapter!"

"Stop breaking the fourth wall, Simon!"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

_Is it bad that I kinda ship Jack Merridew/Rachel Berry? They are quite similar…._


	6. Chapter 5- Make Me a Match

_THIS BE THE FINAL ONE._

_Well, besides the epilogue, of course. I hope you all enjoyed this fic! I know I did._

_EDIT: I wanted to get this done by Valentine's Day, but apparently not… Pretend it's still Valentine's Day. It probably is on Mars…. _

_-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-._

"Well, congratulations to all of you," Piggy drawled, voice dripping with sarcasm and venom. He was mad. He didn't even flinch at the full on glare Roger was shooting him (the brunette detested being spoken down upon, as many patients in the hospital would agree with), he was that mad.  
But he had a reason to be mad. It was Valentine's Day. And he was alone. Again.

"Hey, sometimes these things take-" Ralph argued, also not liking that he was being spoken down to. He was everyone's golden boy! Not the silver boy or the bronze boy. A winner! Number one!

"Don't you dare say these things take a while. You've been at this since _November._ I wanted a girlfriend, not my 'One True Pairing'!" Piggy huffed, stomping his foot for emphasis. This was real life, not the Bachelor, with the multitude of girls and interviews and roses- not that he watched the Bachelor, nor had it recorded back at home, nope…- and he just wanted to not be alone for _one freaking holiday_. And Ralph just screwed it up, ruining his afternoons, for what?! To meet a bunch of psychotic girls that were more interested in the others! Well, he had e-freaking-nough of all this bullshit. He was going to use eHarmony, like every other normal desperate person. They probably matched people up better than these loonies ever could!

The door suddenly opened, ending Piggy's mental rage speech. A girl peeked in, looking a bit shy.

"Are you here for the Matchmaking Interviews?" Ralph sighed, rubbing his temples as he felt a migraine butt itself most rudely into his skull.

"N-no… I left my Chemistry textbook in here," the girl whispered, stepping in, intimidated by being in the presence of a couple of the most popular boys in school. She stepped in, a bit hunched over her stuff. She was a bit on the plump side, with dirty blonde pigtails that hung limply, like braided seaweed, from her head. Her lips were red from perpetual biting and her cheeks were flushed a bright pink.

"Is that the Limited Edition Doctor Who pen?" Piggy asked, pointing to a blue object pressed up against her spiral.

"Y-yes…" the girl whispered, looking a little like a cornered rabbit facing down a pack of hungry wolves. "It got it at the Annual Whovian Convention two months ago…"

"No way! I went there! Best convention ever, am I right?" Piggy said, instantly forgetting that he was mad.

The girl laughed, looking a bit more comfortable. "Yes. With the life sized TARDIS and-"

"-David Tennant and Matt Smith in person!" they finished together. They grinned at each other.

"It's nice to meet another Whovian!" Piggy chirped, smiling happily at the girl. "Ah… I didn't quite catch your name."

"Martha," the girl said shyly, but was also smiling. Piggy then noticed the books in her arms.

"Twihard?" he asked with a grin. Martha gave an embarrassed laugh and pushed a piece of hair that had come out of her braid behind her ear.

"Yeah…"

"Don't feel bad. I'm a total Trekkie, and everyone makes fun of me for it," Piggy said, shrugging a bit. He suddenly gave a somewhat charming smile (Jack winced at how pathetic it was). "Why don't we get a cup of tea, and talk more… Do you write fanfiction?"

"Yes!" Martha almost burst out, then realized how loud she was and blushed heavily. Piggy thought she was absolutely adorable. Much better than any of the other girls.

"Then why don't we go to the tea shop by the school and maybe talk about a collaboration fic? Perhaps a crossover…?" he offered, holding out his arm.

"A literary adventure starring Captain James Kirk and Edward Cullen and possibly the Doctor through many universes and dimensions? Sounds lovely," she sighed, taking his arm. Piggy grinned at her again.

"Allons-y!" he declared and the practically skipped out of the room.

Utter silence.  
"The hell just happened?!" Roger suddenly asked, completely flabbergasted.

"I think… Piggy just found a girlfriend…" Ralph attempted to explain, also shocked. "You know what that means?" he asked, a smirk growing on his handsome.

"No…" Jack groaned, a pit of dread growing in his stomach.

"Our matchmaking services worked! My fellow men and comrades, we have brought together star-crossed lovers. We have participated in the weaving of humanity's quilt of romantic fate. We have-"

"Okay, Ralph! We get it!" Jack snapped, starting to get annoyed.

"How is he failing English?" Roger muttered, questioning the sanity of these people he called companions for the seemed-to-be millionth time. He needed to get new friends.

"So… who's up for matchmaking another poor unfortunate soul?" Ralph asked with a teasing grin. A coffee cup found itself all over Ralph's clothes and hair, a frightened whimper escaped Simon's lips and Roger contemplated how strong a push he would need to send the irritating blonde out the window…


	7. Epilogue- Rumor Has It

_And finally, the conclusion to the very first Piggy and OC fanfiction._

_I was thinking about maaaybe doing a sequel… What do you guys think? And if there was a sequel, who should be the "matchmaked"? (I don't think that's a word, but who cares?!)_

_Anywho, thank you all to those who reviewed/favorite/followed! You made my experience of my first OC fic fabulous! Merci, danke, gracias, grazi, thank you, thank you, thank you!_

_Enjoy~!_

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

All human beings who lived through the past century have heard of or have been to high school.  
It is highly regarded as the pathway to becoming a well-rounded and well-cultured human being; a charismatic leader in society; a beacon of hope in the darkness of whatever peril that society has decided to complain about. Those who say that had obviously had some sort of head injury, thus resulting in selective amnesia of the past four years of their lives.

High school is probably what Darwin truly conducted most of his studies, for truly, only the fittest are able to survive. With or without therapy.  
The most astounding thing would probably be that, no matter how much the geezers say how awful teenagers are these days, teenagers have not evolved much throughout the years. The cliques, the "whose-who" and what he/she did last Saturday, the symbols of popularity/god-status, and, most especially, the gossip…

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"I heard from Abby, who heard from Michelle, who heard from Cassie that Piggy had a girlfriend."

"No. Way. Wait, who's Piggy?"

"You know, that fat kid from Pre-Calc. The one that wheezes like an eighty year old man in P.E?"

"Oooh… Eww! Who would ever date him?"

"I know, right?! Like, totes ew. I so can't believe that Ralph is friends with him."

"Football captain Ralph?"

"Is there anyone else?"

A round of giggles.

"Bloody hell, that boy is hot… Did you see him in the last football game?"

"And his uniform was clinging to those abs? Girl, the apocalypse couldn't stop me from seeing those abs and arse!"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"I heard from Becky that Piggy's going to Prom with Martha."

"Wow. And here I thought that she was going to grow up to be a crazy cat lady. I owe Brad ten dollars now…"

"Ben! Don't be so mean!"

"What? You said the same thing last week!"

"Doesn't mean that you should say it now! And everyone knows that you don't take beats on a girl's love life!"

"…. So, do you think she'll get some?"

"_Ben!_"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"I heard that Piggy and Martha are a thing now. Totally made out at the Doctor Who Con or something last week."

"Oh yeah? I heard Ralph slept with three girls. In one night!"

"Oh yeah? I heard that Jack Merridew's girlfriend is in law school in another part of London!"

"Oh yeah? I heard that Becky and Bill had sex in the janitor's closet during school!"

"Who's Bill?"

"Dunno…"

"Whatever. But I heard that Maurice Simmons went to a college frat party and organized the largest sex riot in London history. Bigger than Prince Harry's."

"Oh whatever man, there's no way that's tru-"

"Actually, it is. Best. Night. Evaaaar!"

"Maurice… What the bloody hell are you doing under the table?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Ugh… I hate high school. I can't wait until I'm a senior…"

"Aw, cheer up Jackie! You have us!"

"Ralph. You are the main reason why I want to smash my face into that brick wall."

"You know you love me. Hey, how's that relationship thing with what's-her-face… Carol?"

"Kathleen. She hasn't texted me back since that party last weekend. Damn. She had a great arse too."

"She's in uni, Jack."

"So? You're single too. The only one in a relationship among us is Piggy…."

The two sighed heavily and looked at where the said two were lovingly feeding each other French fries in a semi-secluded table.

"We're pathetic."

"Hey, bros before hos, right? At last resort, we can always go to prom together?"

"Hell. No. I'd rather move to a small, backwater village in the middle of nowhere, rename myself Earl Dick and herd goats in the Scottish highlands for the rest of my sad pathetic existence until I finally die of complications from eating nothing but dandelions and potato mash for fifty-some-odd years."

"Well geez. Just trying to start some bromance."

"You can start by coming to the library with me and picking out a solo for my tryout for Les Mis. I'm thinking Jean Valjean… Or Marius Pontemercy…."

"Fiiine. Anything to distract me from Chemistry. Stupid Stoichiometry and its stupid complicated-ness…"

"Then stop sleeping in that class!"

"I dreamed a dream that Chemistry would diiiie! When ions would not exist and equations balance themselvesss. I dreamed that my GPA would never diiiiee. Because the study of elements is make-beliiieeee-eeee-EEEEEEEVVEE!"

"Save it for choosing my solo! Also, that D was a tad flat….."


End file.
